Adult kids living at home; room and board. Fed Up.

[crazyea]

Ok. I am wondering if anyone else here has a similar situation to mine.

I have 2 adult sons (23,25) living at home, and previously a daughter. When they were in school we never charged them anything and even paid all of their expenses. When they graduated HS, we asked them to pay for their cell phones, and we told them as long as they are going to school and/or saving for a nest egg we wouldn't charge them anything. And that held up for a long time.

Fast forward to now.

My sons are still at home. Their combined incomes are higher than my wife's and mine. They spend all of their money, have not saved a penny, and BORROW from me in between practically every pay day. They treat the place like a hotel and my younger kids are cleaning up after them (I pay them allowance).

I love my kids, and I tried to help them build a foundation for an easy exit down the road, but I can't help but feel like this isnt fair really. LOL.

So my thoughts are to split the rent and food bill which is about $1100 / month each. Part of me feels guilty, but also there is no damn way any of us could live cheaper on our own.

 

[Jokester]

That's fair, if they don't like it they can go pay the obscene cost of rent that currently exists in the real world

 

[Cypher^64]

1) You gave them conditions on staying there for free and they didn't fulfill them.
2) If your other kids have to pick up after them then they aren't respecting others that live there
3) They make good money, they have no real financial responsibilities and yet they borrow money constantly. Yeesh

Not only would I start charging them, I'd give them a time frame to find a place of their own.
At 23 and 25, they need to learn how to be self sufficient. It looks like they are just living the life and taking advantage of you and your wife.

 

[crazyea]

One son has a great job, a car payment, high car insurance because he's new, and student loans to pay for. He also has a girlfriend so he's out a lot. He just got a $10k year raise so hopefully that will help him out.

My other son is a man child. He works afternoons so he stays out late all night with his girlfriend and sleeps in. I have to wake him up every day. He parties with his friends all weekend. He doesnt drive sdo when he sleeps in he has to borrow for an uber or he'll be late.

Yes, I enable both of them. They are my kids. I'm a responsible for creating an environment where borrowing was ok. That's my bad.

My daughter is a teenager so she doesnt mind getting paid to do their chores. Sometimes it can be overwhelming for her though because then she gets all the grief from mom if it isnt perfect.

I am not really looking for them to move, but more or less thinking that it's time for them to pay their share.

 

[vulcan500rider]

I think it's more than reasonable to go that direction, crazyea. If you're feeling guilty about taking their money, one thing you could do to help them save and eventually get out of the house is split the $1100 into two pots for each of them: one goes toward your costs of running the household, and the other goes into a savings account that you control and will only release to help them get their own places, when they're ready.

Oh, and given how they spend, that $1100 gets paid first--immediately after they get paid.

The working around the house/cleaning up after themselves should be non-negotiable, though, and just part of adulting.

 

[GeezerGamer]

Ok. I am wondering if anyone else here has a similar situation to mine.

I have 2 adult sons (23,25) living at home, and previously a daughter. When they were in school we never charged them anything and even paid all of their expenses. When they graduated HS, we asked them to pay for their cell phones, and we told them as long as they are going to school and/or saving for a nest egg we wouldn't charge them anything. And that held up for a long time.

Fast forward to now.

My sons are still at home. Their combined incomes are higher than my wife's and mine. They spend all of their money, have not saved a penny, and BORROW from me in between practically every pay day. They treat the place like a hotel and my younger kids are cleaning up after them (I pay them allowance).

I love my kids, and I tried to help them build a foundation for an easy exit down the road, but I can't help but feel like this isnt fair really. LOL.

So my thoughts are to split the rent and food bill which is about $1100 / month each. Part of me feels guilty, but also there is no damn way any of us could live cheaper on our own.

If not a multi millionaire you need to start charging rent or what ever you'd like to call it!
My son and daughter similar in age are contributing to the household having finished up Collage/University and are employed. It's a small amount we charge but it's time for Mom and Dad to have a chance to enjoy life having fulfilled our parental duties! We deserve a break and they need to be responsible and helpful! They do help some around the household thankfully but they sure aren't getting a free ride being able bodied adults! Look at the animal kingdom, they reach maturity and see ya!

Contribute or get out! Sounds harsh but we love our kids and it's for their own good.

 

[crazyea]

I think it's more than reasonable to go that direction, crazyea. If you're feeling guilty about taking their money, one thing you could do to help them save and eventually get out of the house is split the $1100 into two pots for each of them: one goes toward your costs of running the household, and the other goes into a savings account that you control and will only release to help them get their own places, when they're ready.

Oh, and given how they spend, that $1100 gets paid first--immediately after they get paid.

The working around the house/cleaning up after themselves should be non-negotiable, though, and just part of adulting.

Since it's practically impossible these days to get into the housing markey in the GVRD, my wife and my goal with the older son was to buy a house with him, and then when my wife and I become elderly let him have the main and we'd move into a basement suite, and then when we pass on, he would inherit it (our share). It kills me that he hasnt saved anything though.

And these boys eat like horses too.

I would like to clairfy though that we do have a great relationship with them and we do want them to stay as long as possible. It really benefits everyone if we can all split the expenses.

 

[crazyea]

I really wanted to see what everyone here thought because all of the searching on the net just brings up "oh no! we dont charge our kids, or yeh we charge them, $100 or make them pay for their phone." stupid things like that. It's a pretty sore subject for a lot of people to ask for money from your kids, but they are making good money. lol

 

[On2wheels]

My other son is a man child. He works afternoons so he stays out late all night with his girlfriend and sleeps in. I have to wake him up every day. He parties with his friends all weekend. He doesnt drive sdo when he sleeps in he has to borrow for an uber or he'll be late.

Writing's on the wall bro, this guy needs a wakeup call, metaphorically speaking. Time's are tough enough nowadays, don't need selfish kids making your life any harder.
Tough pills to swallow, yes.

 

[crazyea]

Writing's on the wall bro, this guy needs a wakeup call, metaphorically speaking. Time's are tough enough nowadays, don't need selfish kids making your life any harder.
Tough pills to swallow, yes.

I've been telling my wife since he was in high school to let him fail, but she's kind of like a helicopter. She has sympathy for hime because she also used to sleep a lot. Difference is she never missed her alarm.